Inspired by Genesis 32:24-30, Romans 9:1-5, Matthew 14:14-21
We live in a world where there is no lack of people who pour their certainties out into the ether. Talking heads and pundits of all shapes and sizes populate the internet and television screens touting their worldviews and experiences – hoping that their passion and certainty will get us to believe whatever they are spewing. I, on the other hand, am a confirmed doubter. “Hello, my name is Dan, and I’m a doubter.” I doubt because I am a trained scientist – I am inherently skeptical of all new research and require proof in order to move forward in my thinking about how this new finding fits into what is already known. This skepticism bleeds over into all areas of my life – I have a tendency to interrogate the Bible and all spiritual/theological reflections in the same way I treat new research findings…is this new information a blessing or nonsense?
Doubt is hard wired into us. Writer T. Franklin Murphy has this to say about the ubiquity of doubt in humans and how it can be a blessing. He teaches, “…Doubt can be defined as a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction about something. It often involves questioning or hesitating about a belief, decision, or course of action. Doubt can arise from a variety of factors such as insufficient information, conflicting evidence, or a lack of confidence in one’s own judgment. It is a common human experience that can lead to introspection and critical thinking….” He goes on to say, “…In the vast expanse of human knowledge, doubt is often seen as a shadow, a sign of uncertainty and hesitation…Doubt, the silent question mark that lingers at the end of our thoughts, may indeed be a powerful motivator for learning. It compels us to question, to seek, and to open the doors to new understanding…(to) explore how the seeds of doubt, when sown in the fertile soil of curiosity, can blossom into the relentless pursuit of knowledge and personal growth.
The narrower our view, the more vulnerable we are to deception. When firmly entrenched to unyielding dogma, we avoid open engagement with experience, limiting exposure for positive change. Our ability to help others, even ourselves, is enhanced through a sympathetic understanding of the vast universe of different experiences. Doubting what we know to be true may play a significant role in our ability to learn more….”
Our scripture readings for today offer us a view of doubt leading to new insights and blessings. The Apostle Paul is reflecting to the believers in Rome in our reading today his anguish and doubt about the children of Israel and their dogmatic rejection of the Christ. Paul does not doubt the election of Israel by God, and knows that God’s mercy will prevail, he does doubt whether the people of Zion will accept the blessings of the Christ and come to know him.
Jesus is teaching all day to many thousands of people in a very rural area. The sun was setting and the people were still gathered. The disciples were worried that the crowd was hungry and needed to go to get food. They doubted that there was anything that their poorly provisioned group could do for such a large group. Jesus said to them, “…They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat….” Yet, the disciples had but 5 small loaves and two fish – they “knew” that this was not enough. They doubted the power of God to bless and provide for the needs of God’s children.
The story of Jacob has come to a tipping point. Jacob is very wealthy with herds and flocks and wives, servants and children. He has left his uncle Laban and is traveling to meet his estranged brother, Esau, the one who wished to kill him in the past. Jacob doubts that the meeting with Esau will turn out well, so he sends all his possessions ahead of him and he sleeps alone at the side of the river Jabbok. Suddenly, Jacob is accosted by a stranger and they wrestle until dawn. As day breaks, Jacob is wounded in the struggle and asks the person with whom he strives for a blessing. Ultimately the blessing is granted, and Jacob limps off to meet Esau – knowing that in his struggle with God and humans he has been victorious.
Though I am not a fan of Jacob for most of this section of Genesis, I find great comfort and resonance with his struggle with God. I have struggled with God and my faith in God – I have had significant doubts about what I felt God was calling me to do and to become. Those doubts led me to a deep interrogation of my faith and my relationship with God. Those questions led me to the blessing of seminary training, wonderful colleagues and challenging congregants and ministry. Doubt did not kill my faith – it blessed and deepened it.
The Rev. Dr. Randy Woodley has this to teach about the importance of interrogating scripture, “…What strikes me as deeply ironic is that most Jewish communities, the very people whose ancestors wrote much of our Bible [these texts], don’t embrace this rigid fundamentalism that many Christians do. In Jewish tradition, questioning and wrestling with multiple interpretations through midrash isn’t just permitted, it’s essential. They understand what many Christians miss, that sacred texts demand thoughtful engagement, not naïve acceptance….” To emphasize that point, writer Anne Lamott in her book entitled, “Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith” writes, “…The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns. Faith also means reaching deeply within, for the sense one was born with,...”
I reflected last week that God is mystery – a mystery so large and challenging that we will never truly understand God on this side of glory. Thus, the folks that populate our world who are certain about their faith, their worldviews or their understanding of God have ceased to interrogate them and have stopped growing. They are not responding to all the revelations that are contained in every day or the God who says in Isaiah 43, “…See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland….” Faith without doubt is dead – that faith has turned into dogma, and it no longer contains any blessings.
The Bible is filled with those who doubt God and what God is doing with them, in them and through them. Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, all of the prophets, the disciples, Paul, and Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the Cross. Time and again, we read about how those doubts were answered by a loving God – how God provided blessings and made a way. Thoughtful exploration and interrogation of the Bible leads people to the realization that doubt triggers curiosity and curiosity leads to new knowledge and experience – they discover how God blesses our doubts. May God help us doubt so that we might be blessed. Amen!